[dlgn]

(The weak twin primes conjecture states that there are infinitely many pairs of primes. The strong twin primes conjecture states that every prime p has a twin prime (p+2), although (p+2) may not look prime at first. The tautological prime conjecture states that the tautological prime conjecture is true.)

[MindlessInsanity]

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered six offender.

[Eetrab]

What do you call a pessimistic pelican? A pelican't.

What do you call a vengeful toucan? A toucan play at that game.

What do you call a seagull in the desert? A landgull.

What do you call a farting cockatoo? A cockatoot.

What do you call a bird of the Night's Watch? A crow.

What do you call a pigeon that likes pies? A πgeon

And finally, what do you call an insensitive bird? A crassowary.

[dlgn]

Why don't seagulls go to San Francisco?

Because then they would turn into bagels.

[MindlessInsanity]

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.

[Meowrocket]

There were two men named Jim and Bob, and Bob started a conversation.

Bob: Do you think there will ever be a huge epidemic in today's world?

Jim: When pigs fly, Bob. When pigs fly.

Jim proceeds to take a large drink off coffee and open his newspaper.

Newspaper: Swine Flu!

Jim: *Spits coffee*

[dlgn]

"H1N1" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Still sucks, though.

[MindlessInsanity]

An old lady goes to the bank to make a bank account and to deposit. She goes to the bank and demands the manager. She then requests to make a bank account. He asks "Why miss?" She says "I have 100,000$ I want to deposit." He, in utter shock, asks "My goodness ma'm! How did you accumulate such currency?" She replies with "I like to make bets." The manager says "You must have been doing this for a long time." The lady replies with "Actually no, in fact, I did this in day." The manager says my goodness, how did you do so? She says "Well, for example, I bet you 1,000 dollars that I can bite my eye." He says "All right." So she proceeds to pull out a glass eye out of her pocket and bite it. The manager explains "OH THAT'S UNFAIR!" the old lady says. "Really lad? Okay then, how about this? I bet you 10,000$ I have I can urinate into that trash bin 20 feet away from here without getting a single drop anywhere else. The manager with great confidence tells her "You bet! There's no way you can do that!" So the woman pulls down her pantaloons and urinates everywhere! On the counter, on the computers, the ATMs, the walls, and even a bit on the managers face. The manager knowing the money he just made, JUMPS FOR JOY and screams with pride! "WOOHOOO! You owe me 10,000$!" Then the old lady gives him the money. While during the exchange, the manager notices a man in a suit banging his head against the wall. He asks the lady what his problem is. She says "Oh nothing, I just bet him 100,000$ that I can pee everywhere and you'd be happy about it."

[MindlessInsanity]

One day a man was watching TV with his wife. The wife notices a commercial for plastic surgery. She says with joy "Oh my, I'd love to walk around with a new nose. Honey can we do it?" So the man replaces the welcome mat with a rake.

[MindlessInsanity]

The world is running low on plastic. Citizens blame Nicki Minaj.