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By catsfuzz
#22864
The Book of Purification

1And so, with a great flash of light, a new world was created. In this world, members of an old world were spawned. 2They had come from a land in chaos, sadness and despair. 3But in this new world, the Grand Purge's sister, Logger, was keeping watch, and order. 4But after so long, Logger became tired, and couldn't keep track of the sinning X-Rayers. 5And so, as Logger went for a quick sleep, the Her Grandness and The Grand One (Intelli) stepped forward.

6Everyone trembled at Her mighty power, as grand members of this world fell. This time was called The Grand Purge, in honor of Her Grandness 7She then returned to her slumber, as Logger came back into main power and kept watch on the lowered population.

8Most people had forgotten about Her Grandness only days afterwards, all except for a young fellow. 9He tried to tell everyone of how great Her Grandness was, "She has purified our souls and our ranks. She has made this world legit once more, banning all the sinners!" 10Some people listened, while others shrugged and walked away.

11This is the history of the Grand Purge and what followed.

The Book of Warning and Guidelines

1And to all who hear these words, may you not only hear, but listen and follow. 2By Her great mercy (and the help of The Great One [Intelli]) some of the sinners will be back. 3She is still kinda weak, and will need your help to keep an eye on these hooligans.

4She says, that if you, a follower find a tunnel directly to diamonds, you must collect everyone of the diamonds, but either give one to the Great One, or burn it.

5She says, that if you, a follower find a tunnel directly to gold, you must burn it all, using the favored substance of Her Grandness, lava.

6She says, that if you, a follower find a tunnel directly to iron, you must mine it all, and use it in daily life, but only in the shape of a sword, to protect her and her followers, a pickaxe, to mine the forbidden substances, or a shovel, to dig to the center of the Land.

7She says, that if you, a follower find a tunnel directly to coal, you must give it all to Ramien123, so he can give it to Her cousin, Her Darkness.
By ramien123
#22867
TOP SECRET
TO: Ramien123
FROM: Temple of the Black Night Administrative Divison (TOBNAD)
CONCERNING: Heresy

Prophet,

What precedes this letter is the most foul form of heresy ever encountered by the TOBN Heretical Research Division(TOBNHRD), the most fanatical of cults that the TOBN Cult Identification and Prevention Division(TOBNCIP) has ever seen, the strangest prophet identified by the TOBN False Prophet/Ministry Of Silly Walks Divison(TOBNFPMOSWD) and the shortest name that does not need to be broken into many letters by the TOBN Name Analysis and Identification Bureau of Secretive Naming and Shortening Division(TOBNNAIBSNSD).

Points of Concern:
-Comands "followers"(see cultists) to dispose of rare materia at heavy personal cost
-"Her" is used in a way not indicating Her Divine Darkness, The Eternal Shadow, Her Darkness
-Silly, unneeded history
-Prophet seems to have made a split decision in creating this "religion"
-poor punctuation and odd phrasing that does not sound religious

Recommended Action: Eliminate and Destroy Evidence
Response to Public: Profess sadness at needless destruction of new religion
Comments: Well, the part about the Coal was okay.

Report Compiled by Agents A, B, C, and Enrique
By Psychoshaman
#22869
Hey, I fully support this religion and its creator. In the words of Peter from Family Guy:

"Hey, you wanna lose some teeth?...That's what happens when you question someone else's religion."

Also, I thought you said that Her Divine Darkness and her followers tolerated all other gods and their worshippers. Therefore a Heretical Research Division would not be necessary unless the teachings of another religion directly contradicted your teachings.

Let those who wish to worship, worship.
By ramien123
#22871
What are you talking abou-

THEY POSTED THEIR REPORT?! One second. I need to fire a couple of divisions from my Temple, and introduce Agents A, B, C, and Enriqu- wait, I don't have anyone named Enrique on my staff... I think I need to "clean house", and by clean, I mean fire. With an actual fire. The kind that goes FWOOSH.
By CirJohn
#22912
lol@all
User avatar
By hippoface
#23923
Wow................................. This is gonna be on my list of epic fails!
long long title how many chars? lets see 123 ok more? yes 60

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