[dlgn]

I found a very amusing site, filled with stories by people who have had terrible (or occasionally heartwarming) experiences with their customers. I have to say, they're quite amusing, especially if you read through the ones tagged "bizarre" or "extra stupid". Some examples:

Water You, Stupid
AIRPORT | KANSAS CITY, MO, USA | TOP
(While passing through airport security, a passenger’s bag needs to be pulled because the x-ray operator sees an obvious big bottle of water when the limit is 3.4 oz.)

Me: “Whose bag is this?”

Passenger: “Oh! Oh! Oohhh! It’s mine! Is there something wrong?”

Me: “I just need to take a quick look inside, ma’am. This shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

Passenger: “Well, hurry. I think they’re boarding my plane.”

(I open her bag and find the bottle almost immediately. She gasps as I pull it out.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid you cannot have this beyond this point.”

Passenger: “Why not? I just bought it, and it’s unopened!”

Me: “Ma’am, the rules clearly state that you cannot have any liquids over 3.4 oz in your carry on. If you’d like to, you could–”

Passenger: “But that’s not a liquid!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Passenger: “It’s not a liquid! It’s water! W-A-T-E-R! You know, H-2-O? For the love of God, don’t they hire anyone with more than a grade school education for security?”

Dumb Without Shadow Of A Doubt
SANDWICH SHOP | MANCHESTER, UK | EXTRA STUPID, FOOD & DRINK, TOP
(I’m putting the salad on a customer’s sandwich.)

Customer: “What’s that black thing on there?”

(I check to see if I’ve put olives on the sandwich by mistake.)

Me: “What black thing?”

Customer: “That big black thing right there!”

(I check again.)

Me: “Erm, that’s the shadow of my hand.”

Customer: “I don’t want that. Take it off!”

Me: *moves hand*

Customer: “That’s better.”

Try Adobe HeathenShop
RETAIL | BALTIMORE, MD, USA | RELIGION, TECHNOLOGY, TOP
Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me how this converter works?”

Me: “Let me see. It looks like you put your old photo negatives into it and it converts them to digital images.”

Customer: “So, it doesn’t make them Christians?”

Me: “Uh…what? Who?”

Customer: “It says it’s a “converter”. So, does it make the people in the pictures turn from devil worshippers into Christians?”

Me: *stunned* “No…No, it doesn’t do anything like that. It takes old negative strips from film cameras and converts them into digital images.”

Customer: “So, it won’t make them Christian?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “What a useless piece of crap that is, then!”

Not Always Right

~dlgn

[Rick]

What's the site?

-Rick

[gallinka]

I have worked at two different call centers during me illustrious career. The second one I worked at was an internet tech support call center. Two calls I had really stood out were from customers who were simply asking too much (by far, not the only ones).

The first one was from someone from Florida who was asking when his cable/internet would be restored, he had his computer/modem hooked up to his generator and confimed the service was down. I had to explain to him (and I kid you not) that we had to wait for the hurricane to pass (the eye was over his head at the time). Wait for first responders to help people and clear the roads of damage. The telephone poles would need to be replaced where damaged. We (the cable company) would have to re-install the feeder cables and other equipment. Then a cable would be strung back to his house and service would be restored. The challenge for me was telling him that would sounding like I was patronizing him. I have recollected that story to friends and family numerous times.

The second one was from someone in California. Thier house had burned down during a wildfire (very tragic, not laughing at that). They wanted the cable company to string a cable to their tent or camper (can't remember which). I had to explain to them that they needed a physical address for us to install service.


I have found, from a customer service perspective, that some people would ask you to give them everything you have for free if they though you would do so. Some do just that and are only different from thives in that they do not threaten, or commit, acts of violence.

[dlgn]

They Grow Up So Fast
MOVIES & TV | PHILADELPHIA, PA, USA
Customer: “I’d like two tickets for [movie], please.”

Coworker: “That movie is rated R. Can I see your ID?”

Customer: *shows an ID that states she is 18*

Coworker: “You need to be 21 in order to purchase an R-rated ticket for someone else.”

Customer: “But it’s for my son!”

Coworker: “How old is your son?”

Customer: “16…”

Coworker: “So you’re 18… and you have a 16 year old son?”

Customer: “That’s right!”

Coworker: “Let me get my manager…”

Manager: “Ma’am, you need to be 21 to purchase a ticket for a minor.”

Customer: “But he’s my son!”

Manager: “You’re telling me you gave birth when you were two years old?”

Customer: “YES! It happens, I promise you!”

When Intelligences Cancel Out
SUPERMARKET | NEW ZEALAND | AT THE CHECKOUT, MONEY, TOP
(I am a checkout operator in a supermarket, and I have just finished ringing up a customer’s order. )

Me: “So, that comes to a total of $36.76. Is there anything else?”

Customer: “I also want a $50 gift card.”

(I add on the gift card and hand it to her.)

Me: “Okay, now the total is $86.76. Will that be all today?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “How would you like to pay for your order?”

Customer: “I’d like to use this gift card.” *hands me the same $50 gift card that I just activated for her*

Me: “Uh, you still need to pay for this gift card.”

Customer: “Yes, but I’d like to pay for it with the gift card.”

Me: “But the gift card is worth $50. Your order is $86.76.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Uh-huh, so just pay $50 of it with the gift card, and I’ll give you cash for the rest!”

Me: “So that will take your total back to the original $36.76.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Duh!”

Spoilered for language

Spoiler:

~dlgn

[Rick]

The Sun is Such a Slacker Sometimes
(We shot a wedding after dark and in the rain last year. When the happy couple met with me to pick up their photos the conversation went like this…)

Bride: “I am so disappointed that there are no beautiful sunset pictures, like on your website.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, but if you remember correctly the weather was terrible, and you got married in the dark.”

Bride: “Yeah, but we paid you a lot of money!”

Me: “I would charge a lot more money if I could turn back time and change the weather.”

Bride: “All of the other weddings we saw on your website have beautiful sunsets!”

Me: “We took those photos at sunset, before it got dark, and it wasn’t raining.”

Bride: “I’m sick of your slick excuses. You have an answer for everything!”

Cookies
(A customer takes a free sample from a barrel marked “FREE DOG BISCUITS”.)

Woman: “Are these free?”

Me: “Yes, those are free samples.”

Woman: “What are they?” *rips package open*

Me: “Those are dog biscuits, ma’am.”

Woman: *takes a bite of the DOG BISCUITS* “These are the worst cookies I’ve ever tasted!”

Me: “No doubt…”

The Perfect Planet
Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’d like a large coffee.”

Me: “That’ll be $1.95.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want to pay for it.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a store. We sell things for money in order to make a profit.”

Customer: *stares blankly*

Me: “The coffee isn’t free.”

Customer: “Can I have the coffee anyway, since you already poured it?”

Me: “No. ”

Customer: *looks at me for a moment and then walks away*

Btw, I found the site.

-Rick

[dlgn]

Now We Know Why She Needs Decaf
COFFEE SHOP | GREENSBORO, NC, USA | FOOD & DRINK
(I work at a national coffee chain, and am answering the drive through.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [café]. What would you like today?

Customer: “I want a skinny latte!”

Me: “Okay, just to clarify, skinny means nonfat and sugar-free. What sugar-free syrup would you like?”

Customer: *huffing* “No syrup! I just want a skinny latte!”

Me: “Um, okay, so just a nonfat latte, then. What else can I get for you?”

Customer: “No, no, no! I just want a skinny latte, nonfat and sugar-free!”

Me: “Okay, a skinny latte, then. What size would you like?”

Customer: “Tall! You got that? And make it decaf! A DECAF TALL SKINNY LATTE! Gaaahhh!”

So...milk?

[dlgn]

Less Twilight, More Daylight
HOSPITAL | NEW YORK, NY, USA
Me: “Hi, this is anesthesia. How can I help you?”

Caller: “This is the blood bank, right?”

Me: “No, this is anesthesia.”

Caller: “That’s the same thing, right?”

Me: “Not really.”

Caller: “Well, what is anesthesia?”

Me: “The stuff that puts you to sleep before surgery.”

Caller: “Well who cares about that c**p!”

Me: “People who need surgery?”

Caller: “No! You know what they need? BLOOD!”

Me: “Okay…but you still have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Vampires need blood! You’re not a vampire because you don’t need blood! Humans don’t need blood!”

Me: “Sir, humans need blood just as much as a vampire.”

Caller: “Wait, so humans are vampires?”

Me: “No, they just need–”

Caller: “Holy f***! I’M A VAMPIRE! You just made my day!”

Me: “Well, no–”

Caller: “Thank you sooo much!” *click*

[dlgn]

No, It’s Because The Owner Is Stupid
SUPERMARKET | LONDON, UK | PETS & ANIMALS
(A man brings his dog into our supermarket.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but there are no dogs allowed inside unless it is a service dog.”

Customer: *with straight face* “It’s because my dog is black, isn’t it? I could sue you!”

Shocking Mystery Solved
LIBRARY | PHOENIX, AZ, USA | BIZARRE, RELIGION, RUDE & RISQUE, TOP
(I work in the call center of a public library. Occasionally, we get strange callers just because it is free and we are required to talk to them.)

Caller: “You need to help me! The Mormons are giving electric shocks to my genitals through my windows!”

Me: “Um, this is a library, I’m not sure what—”

Caller: “You have to help me! I called the police but they won’t help me. They say I’m crazy. It’s the Mormons! They keep shocking my genitals!”

Me: “Well, uh, let me put you on hold for a second.”

(I put her on hold and call out the situation to the other librarians in the call center. One of them happens to be Mormon.)

Me: “I have a caller who claims Mormons are shocking her genitals through her windows.”

Mormon coworker: “We are.”

[FlannyFlan]

Hey DLGN, instead of posting the stupid things, we have the site now.. we can all just go look at it and read.. Seriously this is another stupid Bump your Post thread. You need to stop.

[dlgn]

Hey, if you want me to stop, just ask. Or don't look at it. No need to be rude. I was just posting some that I thought were particularly amusing.