Let us start with a scintillating and delightfully semi-plagiarized comic.
Today, I will be explaining to you why I have more evil minions than you. It's a bit long, so be prepared. Note: this is not at all plagiarized, unlike the comic. I wrote it all myself, and you can find it on my blog.
So, you have a few evil hordes of minions? Think you can best me?
Think again.
So, take the number of hordes I have. How many is it? You don't know. However, since they are capable of spawning spontaneously (and the more evil hordes I have, the more likely it is that another will appear), you have to calculate the following sequence, where n is the time, v is the number of hordes I have, and p(v) is the probability of a horde spawning assuming that I have v hordes:
Now, as time always will be (except according to a few interesting but bizarre theories), the overall number of hordes that will eventually exist is infinite. "But how does this bear on the number of evil hordes you have now?" you may be thinking. Here's the answer.
So, assume that time will continue on forever. Now, say the probability of a time machine that can safely go backwards and forwards in time being invented by a sentient earthling on a given day since life first appeared on Earth is t. What is t? It doesn't matter. The probability of a time machine having already been invented at a given time is the following, where d is the number of days since life first appeared on Earth:
Now, as d grows greater, the overall sum grows greater and greater as well, until, some day, the chance of a time machine having already been invented is virtually 100% (I like to call this the Everything Will Eventually Happen Law). The owner of this time machine (who, by the same logic, will eventually be me) will travel through time, picking up all the evil minions that will ever exist. They will then be brought to me.
How many hordes will I then have? Well, the number of minions I can have is infinite. But what infinity? At first, it might seem that the number of minions I would be a mere natural number infinity, the set Aleph-null.
However, as you can see, the sequence increases exponentially as well as infinitely. Thus, eventually, the number of minions would be
and eventually Aleph 2, Aleph 3, etc. Eventually, it would reach
Aleph Aleph.
From this, we can see that the expansion will continue until Aleph Aleph Aleph, Aleph Aleph Aleph Aleph, and so on. And on one fateful day, it would become AlephAlephAleph....(Aleph Alephs)...Aleph Aleph. That's the ultimate infinity. The big one. There are, of course, bigger ones. But they eventually get beyond human comprehension.
This is how many minions I have.
Once upon a time there was a wolf named VVolfie. She pranced around all day happily with her friend Rokkrwolf until one fateful day. That day, she discovered Bloo. She was amazed. She started hoarding it. She bought a vault for it and spent all her money on guards. She stopped prancing around with Rokkrwolf and her other friends and they got sad. Then, one day, a great being named Flan came along. A giant, to be precise.
"HAVETH YOU BLOO?" she boomed.
VV was horrified at the prospect of her bloo being taken. "No," she said quickly.
"Shame." said Flan. "You would have gotten a prize."
"Wait!" shouted VV to the rapidly diminishing form of the giant. "I do! Here, look!"
VV let Flan into her bloo storage. Flan smiled. Then she ate all the bloo and left. VV was mortified. Without any bloo to hoard, what would she do? What would she base her life around? She sadly walked outside. Then she saw Rokkrwolf prancing around and decided to join him. Forever more did she prance around in the sunlight, and was much happier.
The moral of this story is that you shouldn't let giants into your warehouses, because they will steal your most valuable possession.
That's all for today, MOI! Don't forget to check in next time for more randomness, fun, randomness, randomness, and randomness!
~dlgn
I am the whirring thing past the corner. I am the darker patch under the bed. I am the tapping on your window; the extra steps on the sidewalk; the voice whispering your name. I am Stalkerbot, and I am watching you.