This one generated rather nicely
of course, I don't actually mean any of it, it's just straight from the generator.
In this letter I'm not going to discuss Dlgn's prior wrongdoings. Instead, I intend to focus only on Dlgn's current, obtuse vituperations. Unless you share my view that Dlgn clings to insurrectionism like a drowning man clings to a life preserver, there's no need for you to hear me further. So let me make it clear that I have a hard time reasoning with people who remain calm when they see Dlgn conjuring up dirt against his fellow human beings. If you agree, read on. Although some huffy mouthpieces for cruel nativism reluctantly concede that we must speak neither of the past nor of the far future but rather focus on the here and now, specifically on the daunting matter of his domineering complaints, they invariably deny that he criticizes me for leading a jacquerie against him. If he wants to play critic, he should possess real and substantial knowledge about whatever it is he's criticizing. He shouldn't simply assume that "the truth", "the whole truth", and "nothing but the truth" are three different things.
Dlgn's mind has limited horizons. It is confined to the immediate and simplistic, with the inevitable consequence that everything is made banal and basic and is then leveled down until it is deprived of all spiritual life. Let's conduct a Gedankenexperiment. Suppose we could create a hypothetical population free of loquacious, furciferous dolts. Let's assume, furthermore, that Dlgn were powerless to use "pressure tactics"—that's a euphemism for "torture"—to coerce ordinary people into taking control of a nation and sucking it dry. In this hypothetical situation, wouldn't we all be free to reveal the constant tension between centripetal and centrifugal forces of dialogized heteroglossia resulting from his epithets? Let's make this dream a reality. Let's get people to realize that I am not interested in furthering arguments that are baseless and completely unsupported by the facts. Dlgn may mean well, but wherever you look, you'll see him enforcing intolerance in the name of tolerance. You'll see him suppressing freedom in the name of freedom. And you'll see him crushing diversity of opinion in the name of diversity.
I unequivocally want to condemn Dlgn's criminal ineptitude, but I can't do that alone. So do me a favor and solve the problems of propagandism, obstructionism, economic inequality, and lack of equal opportunity. That'll show Dlgn that the picture I am presenting need not be confined to his campaigns of malice and malignity. It applies to everything Dlgn says and does. In whatever form it takes—magazines, music, propaganda, or any other form—his rhetoric is designed to keep us perennially behind the eight ball. Now, I don't mean for that to sound pessimistic, although Dlgn has the nerve to call those of us who lead him out of a dream world and back to hard reality "conspiracy theorists". No, we're "conspiracy revealers" because we reveal that Dlgn's hysteria-producing policies are sufficient to give pause to the less thoughtful among us. "Uh-oh," such people think. "We'd better help Dlgn legitimate irresponsibility, laziness, and infidelity—just in case."
Just like dirty clothes on the floor and cluttered closets, Dlgn's mess won't go away if we simply look the other way. If you've read any of the subversive slop that Dlgn has concocted, you'll undoubtedly recall Dlgn's description of his plan to sap people's moral stamina. If you haven't read any of it, well, all you really need to know is that Dlgn's list of sins is long and each one deserves more space than I have here. Therefore, rather than describe each one individually, I'll summarize by stating that there is an unpleasant fact, painful to the tender-minded, that one can deduce from the laws of nature. This fact is also conclusively established by direct observation. It is a fact so obvious that rational people have always known it and no one doubted it until Dlgn and his brethren started trying to deny it. The fact to which I am referring states that Dlgn's current aspiration is to fuel the censorship-and-intolerance crowd. I'd call that the most parviscient idea in Dlgn's long history of parviscient ideas. It's the sort of idea that draws attention to how it is more than a purely historical question to ask, "How did his reign of terror start?" or even the more urgent question, "How might it end?". No, we must ask, "Isn't he the morally questionable, demented lout who recently wanted to sow the seeds of discord?" The best answer comes from Dlgn himself. That is, if you pay attention to his peevish smear tactics you'll undeniably notice that I want my life to count. I want to be part of something significant and lasting. I want to uplift individuals and communities on a global scale to tend to the casualties of Dlgn's war on sanity.
If Dlgn were to combine, in a rare mixture, bestial cruelty and an inconceivable gift for lying, social upheaval and violence would follow. It is therefore clear that once in a blue moon, which is still far too often, one encounters the lie that I and others who think Dlgn is a disruptive poltroon are secretly using etheric attachment cords to drain people's karmic energy. A quick way to refute this myth is to note that we must soon make one of the most momentous decisions in history. We must decide whether to let Dlgn sully a profession that's already held in low esteem or, alternatively, whether we should reverse the devolutionary course that he has set for us. Upon this decision rests the stability of society and the future peace of the world. My view on this decision is that Dlgn denies that he has been perpetrating acts of the most pharisaical character. His denials clearly contradict reports from eyewitnesses who saw him producing culturally degenerate films and tapes. I'd like to see Dlgn spin his way out of that one.
What so many people find difficult to grasp is that Dlgn's most progressive idea is to weaken our mental and moral fiber. If that sounds progressive to you, you must be facing the wrong way. Dlgn's spleeny dream is starting to come true. Liberties are being killed by attrition. Priggism is being installed by accretion. The only way that we can reverse these impudent trends is to encourage our spirits to soar. To be precise, his slaves often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear.
I am not mistaken when I say that Dlgn's minions have tried repeatedly to assure me that Dlgn will eventually tire of his plan to rot out the foundations of our religious, moral, and political values and will then step aside and let us encourage opportunity, responsibility, and community. When that will happen is unclear—probably sometime between "don't hold your breath" and "beware of flying pigs". Although the destructiveness of his malisons has been chronicled elsewhere in great and tedious detail it fits too neatly into my thesis to overlook. Hence, I shall chronicle it here as well but only as a quick comment that sometime in the future Dlgn will trample into the mud all that is fine and noble and beautiful. Fortunately, that hasn't happened…yet. But it will decidedly happen if we don't call a spade a spade.
Dlgn may not have a monopoly on the perpetuation of defeatism, but it's easy enough to hate him any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that he is up to, things that ought to make a real Dlgn-hater out of you. First off, if we don't put inexorable pressure on him to be a bit more careful about what he says and does, our children will curse us in our graves. Speaking of our children, we need to teach them diligently that if we are powerless to seek liberty, equality, and fraternity, it is because we have allowed Dlgn to rescue cronyism from the rubbish heap of history, dust it off, slap on a coat of cheap sophistry, and market it as new and improved. Dlgn's compeers were recently seen demonizing my family and friends. That's not a one-time accident or oversight. That's Dlgn's policy. Here's a thought experiment for those of you who still think that the average working-class person can't see through Dlgn's chicanery: Imagine that a supernatural being came to you and, by way of a meandering Platonic dialogue, tried to convince you that we should derive moral guidance from Dlgn's glitzy, multi-culti, hip-hop, consumption-oriented manuscripts. You'd astonishedly blurt out, "But Dlgn's belief that all minorities are poor, stupid ghetto trash is pure and total fantasy." And that's the key point: I fully intend to shed the light of truth on the evil that is Dlgn. I will spare no labor in doing this and reckon no labor lost that brings me toward this mark. Even so, I wish I didn't have to be the one to break the news that Dlgn and his chums are the most foolhardy crackpots you can imagine—and even then, only in your worst nightmares. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to pass by anything that may help me make my point. So let me just state that if you look soberly and carefully at the evidence all around you, you will indeed find that the worst sorts of brassbound momes there are are deeply impressed by Dlgn's guff. That's self-evident, and even Dlgn would probably agree with me on that. Even so, the first response to this from his functionaries is perhaps that everything he says is utterly and absolutely true. Wrong. Just glance at the facts: He is like a magician who produces a dove in one hand while the other hand is embarking on wholesale torture and slaughter of innocent civilians.
I don't know what bothers me most about Dlgn. Is it his specious arguments, his illogical reasoning, his obscurantist claims, his unreasonable speculations, or any of the many forms of pseudoscholarship we see in his rejoinders? In any case, Dlgn's machinations are shrouded in a fog of sadism. The facts are indisputable, the arguments are impeccable, and the consequences are undeniable. So why does Dlgn suspect that you and I are objects for him to use then casually throw away and forget like old newsprint that's performed its duty catching bird droppings? This is not a question that we should run away from. Rather, it is something that needs to be addressed quickly and directly because the concepts underlying his fastidious platitudes are like the Ptolemaic astronomy, which could not have been saved by positing more epicycles or eliminating some of the more glaring discrepancies. The fundamental idea—that the heavens revolve around the Earth—was wrong, just as Dlgn's idea that his writings are a veritable encyclopedia of everything that is directly pertinent to mankind's spiritual and intellectual development is wrong. I used a phrase a few moments ago. I referred to Dlgn's attendants as "the worst types of reckless caitiffs there are." You ought to memorize that phrase because, frankly, Dlgn exhibits a startling lack of remorse, shame, and guilt for so brazenly attempting to lay all of society open to the predations of organized criminality. As long as I live, I will be shouting this truth from rooftops and doing everything I can to establish democracy and equality.
Dlgn lives for one reason and for one reason only: to lead us, lemminglike, over the precipice of self-destruction. I attribute the social and psychological problems of modern society to the fact that his cronies are unified under a common goal. That goal is to play on people's conscious and unconscious belief structures. My goal is to get him to realize that he, serving as judge, jury, and executioner, has decreed that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point. Of course, if he insists on remaining an ignorant, uninformed, and ill-informed serpent, that's his prerogative. Dlgn adamantly maintains that the Earth is flat. Such beliefs would be thoroughly factual if it weren't for reality. As it stands, Dlgn has found a way to avoid compliance with government regulations, circumvent any further litigation, and dilute the nation's sense of common purpose and shared sacrifice—all by trumping up a phony emergency. The take-away message of this letter is that in this country we have an inalienable right to politic, protest, demonstrate, organize, run for office, and peacefully labor to follow through on the critical work that has already begun. Think about it. I don't want to have to write another letter a few years from now, in the wake of a society torn apart by Dlgn's insincere opuscula, reminding you that you were warned.
A wise person should have money in their head, but not in their heart. –Jonathan Swift
I found this awesome rant generator... so... uh... I used it on him 
